Day 8 - What relationship did you nurture today?

What relationship did you nurture today? (warning, most personal blog yet)

Today I nurtured a relationship with my Mum and have done for the past few weeks/months now one step at a time.

To be honest I have never really been that close to my mum, I have always been a Daddy's girl. But last February all that changed. My Dad decided to walk out on me, my mum and my sister for somebody else and it totally crushed my heart. Within the space of about 10 seconds my whole entire world turned upside down and it killed me. Things haven't been the same since, I don't smile as much, laugh as much and I find it harder to trust people.

It had always been me and my dad, and my mum and my sister. When my dad left I felt alone for a very long time. My mum and sister had this wonderful relationship and I felt like I didn't belong one bit. It's taken a lot to nurture the relationship with my mum and I feel slowly but surely it's getting there. The relationship is nowhere near as good as the relationship was between me and dad but it never will be. My dad meant the absolute world to and I wish I could turn back time and try to stop him going because I miss him so so much. The one good thing that has come about from it is now me and mum do get on, we do have lots of conversations which we didn't have before - it was pretty much just yelling and arguing with each other.

It is weird how much life changes in just a short period of time and that those who you always thought would be there for you can just vanish.

People say it will get easier.. it's been pretty much 10 months now and it hasn't got one bit easier at all. I still cry about it about once a week. Whenever anyone even mention my dad my mood drops drastically and I feel my eyes starting to well up.  I still wake up each morning wishing everything was just a dream, I still get nightmares about my dad telling me he was leaving and I wake up with tears running down my face.

Sometimes I want to talk to somebody about it all but then as soon as I start talking I just clam up and words won't come out of mouth. I wish there was a way to end all the pain around it all and just go back to how I was before.

Sorry this was such a depressing post, I just needed to ramble about it sorry

Molly